


Blessings Found

by Morgana



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-05 09:26:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4174665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morgana/pseuds/Morgana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam finds the peace he'd never expected in a place he hadn't thought to look</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blessings Found

“Hey, are you all right?”

Sam looked up and smiled - or tried to, anyway. The priest was young and handsome enough that he almost certainly had female parishioners with crushes on him. But beyond his blond good looks, he had a warm smile and an inviting air about him, like he carried his own private confessional around with him. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

That would’ve been enough to get most people to leave, but the young priest just looked at him, then sat down in the pew in front of him. “You know,” he said casually, “Most people who come here are looking for something.”

He was sure that was true. But there was no way that he was going to find what he needed here. “Like what?” he asked, more to have something to say that because he actually wanted to know.

“Healing. Guidance. Assurance.” The priest studied him as he added, “Redemption. But I think that in the end, it all comes down to the same thing. People need peace, and it’s my job to help them find it.”

Peace. Redemption. Yeah, those things were definitely out of Sam’s reach. “Trust me, I’m beyond help there,” he said.

Unfortunately, that only seemed to encourage the priest. “Nobody’s beyond help, Sam. God wants all of His children to find peace. Just like He wants them all to know how much He loves them.”

Sam had heard the same thing countless times from other clergymen, and he’d even believed it, once upon a time. But now he’d met an angel, a real angel, and that angel had looked at him like he was mud on his shoes and called him an abomination. He couldn’t believe in peace and love anymore, not for him. “Look, thanks for trying to help. But I’m - it’s different for me.”

“How so?” was the priest’s quiet question.

 _Because I’ve been infected with demon blood since I was a baby and now I drink it from the veins of the demon I’m sleeping with_. That would definitely make the priest think twice about trying to help him. But Sam couldn’t look into those eyes and say that. Yet another way he was weak. “I, uh, I’m kind of caught up in some big things. And I’m trying to help, but it seems like I keep doing it the wrong way.”

He waited for the priest to say something about intentions being all that mattered or ask about what he was doing, but instead he asked, “Why are you so sure God doesn’t see past your actions to your motivation?”

Sam’s head jerked up and he stared at the priest, trying several times to get something out before he managed to stammer, “I - I thought - I mean, it’s -”

“You may be doing something unorthodox, but your heart is pure. It always has been.” The priest smiled, then looked at a spot just behind Sam’s shoulder. “You wouldn’t be the first to try to save the world through love only to be told you’re wrong.”

A glance back over his shoulder was enough for him to see the crucifix the priest was looking at. Sam suddenly felt even smaller than before, but then he saw the eyes of the suffering Jesus, and they were brown and warm and understanding, just like the priest’s. And sad, like he knew what it felt like to try and fail. “Somehow I don’t think this is the same,” he whispered.

“I’m sure it isn’t. But it can help to remember that you aren’t alone, especially when you’re carrying burdens as heavy as yours.” The priest got to his feet and put a hand on his shoulder. “God loves you, Sam. He’s always with you, especially when you’re walking through the darkness. Remind yourself of that and never think your prayers aren’t heard.”

The faint prick of tears stung the back of Sam’s eyes and he blinked quickly to try to get rid of them. When he was sure he wasn’t going to end up embarrassing himself in the middle of the church, he looked up to thank the priest, but he wasn’t there anymore. Sam frowned, mentally cataloguing the possible reasons for a sudden disappearance as he stood up, but before he could go check the rectory and ask about any strange occurrences, his phone rang. It was Dean, with a new case that Castiel was demanding they follow up on. Sam agreed to meet his brother out front, then hung up and headed for the doors.

He was almost out of the church when he realized that he’d never told the priest his name, but he’d known it anyway. And the only things Sam knew that could read minds like that were demons. Or - No, that was ridiculous. He shook his head and went to meet Dean, but for the rest of the day, the priest’s words stayed with him, and it might be stupid, but Sam felt like he might not be completely alone with his demons after all.

That night, before he went to bed, he prayed. And for the first time in years, he slid easily into a deep, restful sleep. When he woke up, he stared up at the ceiling, smiled, and said softly, “Thank you.”


End file.
